Cari’s Corner: Grit and Grace. A Powerful Combination for Women Leaders. Here’s How You Get it.
I’ve always made it a practice to study the behavior of accomplished women – what works and what doesn’t – and have used my learnings as trial and error in my own career. Now, as an executive coach, I’m able to leverage that leadership knowledge and experience to support the growth and effectiveness of other women leaders. It’s a privilege.
When I think of the women leaders who are most effective, two words come to mind: grit and grace. I’ll bet it’s the same for you. Try it. Take just a moment and picture in your mind a woman that you respect and admire. Now, consider her within the context of grit – firmness of character and an indominable spirit – and grace – ease and elegance of form and style. I’m guessing there’s a match.
It’s a powerful combination, grit and grace, and the beauty of it is it’s uniquely female. In this day and time when gender is at the forefront of many leadership discussions, it provides women with a blueprint for success. It’s a road map that recognizes women can lead and be effective on their own terms; that strength and competence can go hand-in-hand with style and empathy and…high heels.
In my experience, it’s best to think of it as a recipe that only works if grit comes first. Grit is the cake. Grace is the icing. So where does grit come from? Well, it happens over time when women put themselves out there and allow themselves to get out of their comfort zones. When they raise their hand even though they only feel 60% prepared. Wikipedia says individuals high in grit can maintain their determination and motivation over long periods despite experiences with failure and adversity. Terms such as resilience and perseverance are closely associated with grit. It’s not a quality you can study or take a test for. It requires women to get in the game, act, take risks, and stay the course. You must press into grit.
In the book “The Confidence Code” the authors, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, make a strong, evidenced-based argument that women have a lack of confidence, relative to their male peers, and this greatly impacts their ability to be equally successful in the workplace. There are so many reasons for this that are both nature and nurture. The evidence is compelling and eye opening. Low confidence becomes a self-fulfilling cycle, which results in inaction. By contrast, confidence is a virtuous cycle. It is the belief in one’s ability to succeed. This belief stimulates action. Action bolsters our belief in our ability to succeed. As a result, confidence is gained through taking action, succeeding, and failing, over and over again. Hmm, sounds a lot like where grit comes from.
So, you see why grit must come first. It’s the foundation that the rest builds on. You earn your grit, and then you find your grace. Grace is the perfect complement to grit. It’s commanding the room simply with your presence. It’s holding your head up high in the face of challenge or adversity, and not getting rattled; poise under pressure. It’s the ability to handle strong-willed people in an authoritative yet professional way. It’s using the strength that comes from grit in the most decisive yet respectful manner possible. I once heard a woman described as having “crisp authority with matriarchal warmth.” That’s grit and grace.
The real power of grit and grace is manifested in the blending of the two qualities together. Grit alone, can be too hard, and it can make an individual hard. I don’t know anyone who wants to be that person. Likewise, grace alone, can be too soft. A person who is all grace might be well liked but they’re not taken seriously. But grit, complemented by grace, that is the rocket fuel that accelerates women to the top.
So, I would challenge you to think of your own leadership journey, and where you are on this grit and grace continuum. If you’re early in your career, up to probably middle management, then it’s likely you’re still working on earning your grit. This can be a challenging place. I’m sure it contributes to why so many women tend to get stuck in the middle. Hear me loud and clear, don’t give up. Persevere. Do one thing every day that scares you or takes you out of your comfort zone. If you’re in mid-career and perhaps pushing into the more senior ranks, then most likely you have the grit thing licked. Good for you. You’ve done all the heavy lifting. But don’t let it weigh you down. Take all that hard-earned experience and confidence and find your grace. Discover your style that is authentic to you. Practice and perfect it. It’s what people will remember and respect.
And if you’re a woman who already has her feet firmly planted in success: congratulations! Your position is strong. You know exactly when and how to push or pull, and you do it with confidence and ease. You’ve made it. There is, however, one last thing that most accomplished women do (or should do, like join 100 Women Strong). They put their leadership on shout. They do something – mentor, sponsor, speak out, make change – to harness the power of their success, their own grit and grace to help the next generation of women leaders find theirs. Are you in?
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CARI H. COATS is a business advisor, leadership strategist, executive coach, author, and speaker, leveraging her extensive executive experience and 25-plus year track record helping senior leaders and teams. Coats is co-founder & managing partner of Accendo Leadership Advisory Group. Accendo is a leadership strategy firm offering advisory services for the full spectrum of leadership development, including executive and transitional leadership coaching, high performance executive team development, professional development for high potential women leaders, and next generation succession coaching for family business leaders. Coats is a certified executive coach in the Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centered methodology and works primarily with executive-level leaders and teams, and a member of the Forbes Coaches Council. Coats is also the co-author of “Women: Get Promoted Now! 4 Must-Have Ingredients to Accelerate Your Career.” Coats is a graduate of the Global Executive MBA program at Duke University. Coats received her B.A. in Communications-Radio/TV from the University of Central Florida. She was named the Distinguished Alumnus of the Year at UCF and served on the UCF Foundation board for more than a decade. Coats resides in Orlando, FL with her husband, Russell Coats. They have 26-year-old twin daughters, Kate and Maddie.
100 WOMEN STRONG 100 Women Strong is a giving circle at Central Florida Foundation. As part of Central Florida Foundation’s Women in Philanthropy initiative, the giving circle provides an exciting opportunity for women to join together in an engaging and meaningful way to give back to the Central Florida community. Each member makes an annual tax-deductible gift of $1,100 to a pooled fund and together they research and identify where their grants will go in the community to make an impact. Since 2006, 100 Women Strong has invested more than $882,000 in local initiatives to improve the lives of women and children. For more information, learn more here.
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